3rd leg
Great Moments in Cinema History

Thursday, January 22, 2004

I'll be honest, I'm feeling a little out of sorts today. I have spent the vast majority of the past two days in the dojo brushing up on my moves and preparing to do battle, but as it turns out, I jumped the gun and have no foe to bow towards before busting the crane on.

So instead my mind is on pizza, and Mountain Dew. And on the reading material I'll be taking with me on vacation in two weeks. I'm thinking of diving in to Joe Eszterhaus' 700 page monster appropriately titled, Hollywood Animal.

If you're going to be the man, you gotta beat the man, and to beat the man you've gotta understand the man. In case you don't weigh down your brain with useless information and trivia, good ole' Joe is the screenwriter responsible for bringing Basic Instinct, Flashdance and Showgirls to the world. Which means, like I feel at times, he has many more critics than fans. And therefore no shortage of stories and anecdotes of what it really is to be public enemy #1 in your particular industry.

Better yet, he doesn't care. Just keeps on telling stories and gettin' paid. And really isn't that what it's all about anyway?

In other news, or what really amounts to stretching this post long enough to get two photos in, I am struggling with the transition from classifying MadPony and TenGallonHat from daily reads to weekly reads. I'll bet if DadPony had posting privileges he'd bring it at least every other day. Until then, blah...

And when I said earlier that I was out of sorts, that's not all bad. Duke did win their third conference road game of the year last night at Maryland, a place they haven't won since Jason Williams' miracle minute 10-point comeback in '01. I really, really, really like this Duke team. When Shelden Williams, Luol Deng and Shavlik Randolph are on the frontline at the same time they can rebound, bang and block with anyone, and when they go small, not many teams can keep up with J.J. Redick, Daniel Ewing and Chris Duhon simultaneously. Barring injury, this could be their year. Which makes me feel anything but out of sorts. More like ecstatic.

No, wait. Ecstatic is when Allison posts a new photo baring her shoulders, possibly meaning more is bare that we just can't see or was cropped out---now that thought makes me, umm, vertical?

Does that even make sense? Maybe to Mr. Eszterhaus...

I Love You, You Love Me

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I won't say I'm unflappable. Like anyone with buttons, mine too can be pushed. It's not all that often that it happens----and when it does, the reactions are certainly varied. Sometimes I'm amused that I've attracted a new adversary intent on trying to upset or threaten me (or my friends), and my apparent amusement then upsets them. Sometimes I'm oblivious that someone's even thinking about my buttons, and other times still, I'm entirely capable of bringing great vengeance and furious anger in response to only a perceived slight. Admittedly alcohol consumption plays a prominent role during such over-reactions.

My problem is when I finally lose my temper, it's gone for quite a while. I don't care if my opponent can outbench, outreach, or outweigh me, or how many stand behind them. I also don't care how many, if any, stand behind me. Doesn't matter, I'm loyal (stupid) like that. Loyal to my friends whom I feel an obligation to support (whether they need it or not), and loyal to my own emotions, even when they're misguided by spite and anger. I'm talking about off-line mind you...

As these traits relate to trivial on-line spats that are essentially a war of words, "flamewars" if you will, waged by faceless typists... Well, I can't say I react any differently. While I gain much less satisfaction and adrenaline rush when a pool cue, aluminum bat, or other sharp or blunt object is not actively involved, I am no more hesitant or proactive when it comes to 'voicing' my opinion when I feel it appropriate. Even if it's unsolicited, unwelcome, or unwanted. Or in this case completely mishandled and misunderstood. The thing is I'm a fairly well-spoken and intelligent cat, and more times than not, my 'voice' is ably backed by reason, whether I possess every shred of detailed information related to a situation or not. Besides the fact you have no idea what I do and don't know. And who really gives a damn when a private dispute is strategically moved to a place for public discussion and consumption. When this happens, chaos reigns as haters, followers, and independent thinkers all chime in accordingly.

However, I completely understand that sometimes people don't want to hear that... can't hear that. Only want to hear themselves, and their side of the story. Everybody else shut the f-up. And yes, sometimes shut-up is the best they've got... Nevermind if the last time you heard it effectively used was during recess in the 4th grade.

Having already gone on record as not caring about the size of my opponent, I can't say that I fear their technical savvy any more or less. I mean, if someone really wants to take down my page, or infect it with viruses, then there's absolutely nothing I can do to prevent it, other than to rebuild, word by word, pic of "bimbo", by pic of "bimbo". Trust me, I'd care much more if eggs, toilet paper, and flaming sacks of dog shit were involved.

I say all this not to represent myself as some type of American badass. Because the truth is I've had my ass kicked plenty, and regretted my actions on several occasions.

Emergency dental procedures are both costly and time-consuming. Getting in to a scuffle with someone who's a little more "connected" then you could ever be dream, to be shortly visited thereafter by a couple of their suited, imposing "connections" is certainly unsettling. Watching a friend get stabbed 17 times, and then burying him three days later is unfortunate at best.

But I can think of exactly one time in my life when I ever truly backed down. Not too coincidentally it came about a month after said friend's funeral. A little too soon to go dropping the gloves again even though my crew outnumbered his 5-2.

So when you take a couple of thoughtful comments and suggestions not even directed towards you, and exaggerate and redefine them as "calling people out" and being a "bigshot," well I'd say that you've lost your perspective. And when you go on to do me the favor of warning me not to get involved because "all kinds of people will be fucking with my webpage and my readers," then I'd do you the favor of warning you that your desired effect of that statement and others like it serve but one purpose---to fan the flames. And if that's what you're trying to do, congratulations---you're almost there. If you're truly concerned about people fighting "their own battles," then I'd urge you to look up hypocrite in the dictionary.

Most importantly when you say "I'm sure you're probably a nice guy," well that's an awfully big wishy-washy, assuming leap of faith. Either someone is or isn't a nice guy. And you're either sure, or you're not. Better off saying nothing, if you're not sure, as in completely sure, of either.

You can't see it, but I've still got a smile on my face, unfortunately Vinnie has his shirt off. Vinnie gets more upset when he thinks I'm upset, then I do when I really am upset, and when he takes his shirt off, it's usually an ominous sign of things to come. I've asked him before if he does this to intimidate his foes or simply because he doesn't want his shirts and jackets ruined, and he's never given me a straight answer.

He's got a new movie coming out, Euro Trip, so maybe I can get him calmed down because he doesn't need that kind of publicity right now any way.

And me, I'd much rather drop trou, have a couple Absolut Red Bulls, and go skirt-chasing; though not necessarily in that order. So let's just consider this a public service announcement, because I'd hate to be accused of threatening someone or taking it upon myself to warn complete strangers of possible consequences to their actions, nay words.

As far as the unwritten rules of blogging etiquette, they must be much more complex than I'd ever understand if you're standing behind them without yet having broken any yourself. Maybe for those of us too stupid to blindly follow an unwritten guide, you can spell it out for us. Teach us by the errors of my ways, so we can all avoid getting ourselves in similar predicaments. Once clarified and clearly defined this code or doctrine will effectively guide the entire blogosphere towards harmony and total enlightenment. And think of how grateful everyone will be for your efforts. You'd be like Moses dude, are you ready for that responsibility?

Stupid question, of course you are. Let me know when you've got all the i's dotted and t's crossed, and I'll put up the link, because I'm a nice guy like that. And while you're doing that, I'll convince Vinnie to put his shirt back on.

Cheery-oh, off you go then...chop, chop. We're waiting. We're all waiting.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

So last night I had an epiphany that there are two kinds of people in this world, those that watch/enjoy My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee and those that don't.

But then nothing is quite so simple. So maybe there's really three types of people, those that watch MBFOF, those that don't, and those that would agree to be on the show without fully understanding the concept---or even knowing the show's title. (No way is this chick cashing a check...)

Or maybe it's American Chopper that should serve as the sole delineator.

A show that would not work for our purposes to divide the masses is of course Saved by the Bell, right? Because everybody's seen Saved by the Bell and continues to get lulled in to a 30-minute time-warp when surely there's something better on. Except if it's one of the crappy Miss Bliss, pre-Slater, whatever happened to Max, episodes, then keep on moving.

Anyway, you'd be wrong. Today I met a person who has never seen a single Saved by the Bell episode. Don't worry, I already know this is not a person to be trusted. In future dealings with this person I plan on utilizing various Saved by the Bell plots, themes and dialogue and pawning it off as my own original material. I can't wait to tell her about the time that my best friend talked my dad out of transferring me to another school just in time for me to win the state wrestling championship for Bayside. Or the time I broke and entered in to my neighbors house and talked one of my friends down from a near diet pill overdose. That was scary, good thing I'm such a skilled tree climber. I'll only do this in the company of others of course. Others that have seen the show and will think I'm delusional. And if I tell enough stories enough times, maybe I'll begin to believe the lie. And before you know it, it'll be time to head west for the 10-year reunion.

Gee, I wonder how Jessie Spano, Lisa Turtle and Kelly Kapowski held up. Last I heard Kelly was living with some geek in his parent's Beverly Hills home, Jessie was working as a Showgirl in Vegas, Lisa was dating one of the dudes from Boyz II Men, and believe it or not, trouble-making Zach was a cop!!! I guess this is growing up...

In other news, apparently it takes a couple of lame tattoos and ugly sunglasses to be friends with Tommy Lee, and date/grope Paris at Sundance. What a freakin' loser... Albeit a lucky, freakin' loser. Nice mom, by the way----Loser!!!