3rd leg
One of those Days

Thursday, December 18, 2003

I really, really loathe self-pitying-woe-is-me-the-sky-is-falling posts. But I'm simply uninspired to write about anything other than my current intolerable health status. Leah, the chain-smoking-playa-hating-skank from Real World-London is residing in my nasal cavity and my sinuses are trying their level best to accommodate her fat ass. The expansion equates to a sizeable headache, and there's now so little room for snot in my nose that it is on a constant and irritatingly slow drip down my upper lip. To keep said snot from reaching my taste buds, I am forced to keep Kleenex nearby to mop up the drippage----except Kleenex isn't always available, so sometimes I have to resort to plain ol' toilet paper, or a sleeve, or the back of my hand. These creative methods have reddened the outsides of my nostrils enough that it is visibly apparent that I am neither feeling nor looking my best. I'm hitting the Tylenol PM hard enough to sleep through the night, at the expense of ever feeling rested in my perpetual state of drug-induced drowsiness during the day. So drowsy that the gym is the last place you'll find me this week, an alteration to my routine which makes me even more tired.

If I were to show up for a casting call for a production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (and why wouldn't I?), I'd have an excellent opportunity to be cast as no less than 4 of the 7 dwarves; Dopey, Sleepy, Grumpy and Sneezy (did I mention the sneezing? I'm averaging 4 per hour!). But not Prince Charming, at least not today. Because I really don't give a damn if all you need from me is a kiss, I ain't the one.

The temperature here is vascillating between 48 degrees and 20 on a weekly basis, making it nearly impossible to get completely over this crap, before catching another round. What's worse, the Survivor season is over, and with no quality college hoops until Saturday, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to tonight.

But I can't call in sick, so I am a walking-talking spiteful bah-humbug, at least until the weekend. God help me if Duke loses to the Longhorns on Saturday morning. A quick and speedy recovery is hinging on a Blue Devil victory to kick start my weekend and a 2-week vacation.

Have I mentioned I've purchased exactly one Xmas present thus far? That means I'll be taking my miserable act to a mall near you sometime in the very near future, probably Monday.

You all don't want to hear me though, you just want to dance. Dance, I said.

On a lighter note, I've been waiting to publish my one and only trial AudioPost, because I feel like it should be something worthwhile and creative. I'm also feeling a little tentative because I'm not sure some of you (da ladies) are prepared to deal with actually hearing the sweet, knee-buckling sounds my delectable little mouth and kissable lips are capable of. It might be a little too real, ya dig?

We'll see, but if you've got a request or suggestion---I actually do read your comments. And you know how I aim to please each and every one of you. Even you morbid freaks looking for pictures of Lawrence Taylor snapping Joe Theisman's knee in two (my bad-still looking).