3rd leg
Smell My Finger

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Traffic was a breeze this morning and I nearly set an all-time record for my morning commute. Which actually leaves a bad taste in my mouth, as it means there’s a whole lotta working stiffs that were able to get a head start on their holiday weekend while I’m forced to sit behind my desk and put in no less than a 6-hour day. As if anyone in the office will be productive today anyway, half with their minds on their grocery shopping list and tasty stuffing recipes, the other half pondering whom they’ll be stuffing. Personally, I can’t stand stuffing. I’d much rather glide.

Those fortunate enough to not yet find themselves in the mundane, real world of cubicles, TPS reports, and slaving 40 hours a week to split a check with Uncle Sam, are likely already on their way home with a trunkful of foul-smelling laundry, and looking more forward to drunken reunions with their relocated high school friends than they are the family update on this semester’s GPA.

And because neither grocery shopping nor laundry is in my near future, I figured the least I could do was post a new entry. One thing Thanksgiving means to me, is an opportunity to start my Xmas Wish List campaign. I’m a hard cat to buy for, because when I see something I like or that I can’t live without, I buy it almost immediately. I’m also very particular about what I’ll wear---so the probability that a family member is going to buy me clothes that I’ll even bother to detag is very low. So, it’s actually a bit of a struggle to let people know what they can get me that I’ll somewhat enjoy. One thing that’s always on the list is cologne.

A bottle of cologne, preferably equipped with a pump spray, has played a significant role in the finishing touch to my morning ritual for as long as I can remember. It dates back to when my old man would let put a couple of dabs of his Brute on in my later years of elementary. As I grew older, my scent became a little more refined and subtle. Over the years I’ve worn, in no particular order, Polo, Polo Sport, Fahrenheit, Obsession, CK One, Joop, Fahrenheit, Escape, Eternity, and this past year I’ve gone with Polo-Blue. In a perfect world I’d have each at my command and I’d select amongst daily based on my mood for that particular day. Then some days I’d kick with orange blossom, mandarin and jasmine, topped by amber, cedar and vanilla; on others maybe spicy berries, sandalwood, citrus and a blend of lavender; and when I was feeling especially randy possibly a blend of papaya, pineapple and jasmine, accompanied by green tea and amber. Those are in fact real, albeit very gay sounding, descriptions mind you.

My scent distribution system consists of a pump under each arm (after I’ve applied deodorant), a pump to the southern portion of my happy trail and after I’ve clothed myself a generous pump in to the air with a walk through. So by the time the following year’s Xmas rolls around, I’m nearing the last few drops of the previous year’s selection. All to say, ladies, and I suppose a few of the fellas, what’s your favorite? Have I yet to try an offering that really does it for ya? You know really kicks your pheremones up, making you putty in my hands? And if your answer is Drakkar, then I’m just not sure we can be friends.

On the flip, there’s something about White Diamonds that has always inspired me to endure getting my head and neck in to uncomfortable positions under the sheets, for even longer periods of time than normal.


(BTW, Kool Keith scored with Instapundit in NTB'svolume 8, tying him for second place with Muscle...)

I Need Answers

Monday, November 24, 2003

1. Did Trevor get out of his dorm lease, and does he get to have crazy apartment fun with Chuck and more importantly, Alecia? BFF (and she’s like my little sister) whatever, they’re hooking up (repeatedly) under the same roof…Watch…

2. When, and by when I mean exact time and date, will I be able to find Christina Aguilera’s dirrty home movies at Gorilla Mask?

3. You do know that it's only a matter of time before Tony records one of his ‘sleepovers’ for an AudioPost, right? He is a guy after all…

4. Rehab? Is that the best you can do, Nicole Richie? Slacker!

5. How many miles from Kansas City to Athens, Georgia?

6. And then from Athens to South Beach?

7. Who wants to ride shotgun and split the gas money?

8. Do you think the next Joe Millionaire (David Smith) and Linda really have a chance in this crazy world?

9. I probably shouldn’t have given Mr. Bello Williams of Nigeria, Mr. Emanuel Jaja of Zambia and Miss Mercy Musa of Nigeria my bank account information and social security number in order to transfer millions of tax free dollars in to my account and out of the hands of corrupt third world government officials, huh?

10. You don't think Kat got that rashy skin irritation from me, do ya?

11. You're getting kind of sick of Name That Blogger aren't you?

12. All joking aside---where the fock is Meesh?

13. What’s cooler than cool?

You Gotta Know When To Fold 'Em

I’m always intrigued to learn how new visitors find their way to this little slice of blog heaven. And every once in a while the details of a random quest actually make me laugh out loud. Last week there was at least one person online not looking for Rick and Paris’ Excellent Adventure. Instead they were innocently looking for ‘pics of diane lane and kenny rogers from six pack.’ I didn’t even need to ‘imdb’ the 1982 classic to recall the debut of the ageless Miss Lane (still in her late teens at the time) and Kenny Rogers as a down on his luck stockcar driver. A pre-Vacation Anthony Michael Hall also cashed a check from the movie that no doubt helped break cinematic ground for the equally entertaining Stroker Ace, which later begat Days of Thunder, or as I fondly recall it When Tom Met Nicole. And if you were lucky enough to have HBO in the early 80’s, I don’t need to remind you how many times your heart strings were pulled each day when Kenny launched in to the gem of the Six-Pack soundtrack:

Well, it´s your mind, that tricks you in believin every time
Love will turn you around, turn you around
Well, it´s your heart, that talks you into to stayin where you are
Love will turn you around, turn you around

And if you don’t buy Kenny Rogers as a stockcar racer with a heart of gold, or his ability to nail one of TV’s original MILFS---Erin Gray, then I’m just not sure we can be friends. (Sorry for the black and white…best I could do!)

And if you came here looking for Name That Blogger (vol. 8), wait no mo:

Death to Malvo

Update: Mo money, mo money

Another Update: Richard Dieter agrees…

Quien es?