3rd leg
Decisions, Decisions

Friday, December 13, 2002

Things are much more in order today than they were yesterday. The fax is in back up and running, Meesh is alive and well and looking better than ever (finally!), Sarah’s saying exactly what’s on her mind even though it’s at LA’s place, and for the last time I didn’t kill Tony, but I do know who did. However I’m unable to cooperate with the authorities as my attorney has advised me to keep my mouth shut NWA taught me at an early age to Fuck Da Police.

Speaking of f-bombs in music, I’ve neglected my car’s CD player this week in favor of some FM hopping. Needless to say it took less than 5 days for my aggravations of radio to return.

A couple of cases in point- I’m down with Puddle of Mudd though I don’t consider myself a banger. But why would they even bother to release She Hates Me when a good fifth of the song is going to have to be edited for profanity.

Speaking of which---I thought Tupac was supposed to be dead. How can he still be releasing shit I’ve never heard 6 and a half years after his (alleged) death? (See: Thug Mansion).

And my last and biggest gripe with FM radio, have you ever heard a song on one station, flipped to another only to hear the same exact song delayed by only a couple of minutes? Are they listening to each other and saying oooooohhhh we should play that song right now too? Of the hundreds of thousands of musical selection at their fingertips it makes absolutely no sense to me why this phenomenon not only exists, but that it occurs so frequently.

So I’m back to the CD’s----currently in rotation; Tenacious D (self-titled), The Strokes: Is This It, The Rat Pack: Ee-O-Eleven, Public Enemy: Fear of a Black Planet, Elvis Costello: The Very Best Of, and Johnny Cash: Live at Folsom Prison.

Now if I could only decide between Drumline and The Hot Chick for tonight’s movie screening I’d consider this day a complete success…

Just Fix the Damn Thing!

Thursday, December 12, 2002

I’m feeling only slightly out of sorts today. It’s not because Trent Lott is an unapologetic racist, or that Newsweek has my panties in a bunch regarding the sexual activities of today’s young people. Um, not that I wear panties or anything. It’s not because I’m stressed out and drained from Finals Week, like many of you probably are. It’s not because there are only 12 more shopping days until X-mas. I don’t think it’s because Heidi Klum is dating Anthony Kiedis, but it could have something to do with John Cusack dating Meg Ryan.

Whatever the cause, it’s a ‘What’s-With-Today-Kind-Of-Day’. If I was a betting man, and I am---it’s in large part because my company’s fax machine is jammed and not responding to my magical touch as it normally does. Which means we had to call a service guy, who’s going to utilize his one hour and thirty minute visit in our office to educate our staff about proper fax machine maintenance techniques, and why he’s so much smarter than the rest of us. Even though his worn-out jeans are held up by a tool belt, and he missed one of his shirt buttons while dressing this morning. Nevermind that I’m waiting on no less than 10 documents which couldn’t be transferred through e-mail for some dumbass reason, and I would be so much more appreciative of dude’s technical expertise and know-how if he would just shut the hell up and fix the damn thing in two minutes flat (which I just know he’s more than capable of!) so I could leave work on time.

That’s not gonna happen, which leaves me twiddling my thumbs. See kids, this is what you’re working towards every day with each round of Finals notched in your belt, every hour of sleep lost due to last-minute cramming, and every of your (or mom and dad’s) dollars spent on tuition, beer, pizza and parking tickets. No matter how long you stay in school and regardless of the skills set you leave campus with, you’re going to be surrounded and sometimes dependent on people you’ll quickly grow to loathe. Not at all unlike Office Space.

But I guess it’s not all bad. Since I so enjoy many of the bloggers’ (see the left side of your screen) anecdotes from higher education, here’s a couple from life after college.

Bryan’s one of my co-workers, he sits directly across from me and when he’s not pretending to work----he's passing inappropriate e-mails my way, and taking my requests to burn CD compilations. He’s a single guy of 28, and recently agreed to a blind date set up by one of our other co-workers Betty.

Bryan desperately wants a girlfriend, which is probably why he didn’t pick up on Betty’s telling description of her friend when she said, "Well, she’s not fat." Unfortunately for him, I was out of the office on this day of foreshadowing, otherwise I could have prepared him for a date with a girl large enough to throw him over her shoulder and have her way with him. That’s not quite what happened, but this girl was large and in charge and there will be no second date.

Which leaves both Bryan and I, not as big of Betty fans as we were at the beginning of this month. And also leaves us scratching our heads as to why girls won’t be honest when assessing their girlfriends---especially their physical attributes. Guys have no problem saying, "He's a dick, he’s got a bit of a gut, and I think you’d be perfect for each other."

Anyway Bryan is largely responsible for the retention of my sanity while working in a mostly female office, and he just left after upchucking his lunch of frozen burritos in the men’s restroom.

Which prompted the following discussion from the remaining, healthier staffers. What odd substance did your elementary, junior high, and high school janitors throw on the vomit of the kid who was forever thereafter remembered as the kid that got sick in school?

We came up with sawdust, birdseed, and red dirt. Though the red dirt comment was from a girl who grew up in Oklahoma, and I think she was trying to be funny.

Only the girls of MadPony could tell me if that was truly worthy of a laugh or not.

Uh, yea-----the fax machine…..still not working.

Casting Call

Wednesday, December 11, 2002


Hi! I’m Dondre Whitfield, I’m reading for the part of Tony Pierce.

You look familiar, where have I seen you before?

Well, I’m currently on NBC’s Hidden Hills playing a young…

Never heard of it.

I was in Alien Fury with Chyna, I mean Joanie Lauer and…


Um, I was Vanessa’s boyfriend Robert on the Cosby Show.

Of course you were…Proceed.

Hi Anna!


Wait, I can do it again! What are you looking for? What’s my motivation?

Listen here, Roger…

It’s Robert, I mean Dondre…

Whatever! I’m not just looking for a face man who can grow a respectable fro before shooting starts. This guy’s gonna have to selll a couple of hot, hot, love scenes with Dominique Swain…

Dominique Swain? Who else do you have on board?

We’ve got Miss Swain playing Tony’s on again/off again/on again/off again love interest Ashley, I’ve got Teri Polo and Renee Zelwegger’s agents calling me every 5 minutes begging for the role of Moxie…and we’ve already got a hot young cast on board… Rachel Leigh Cook as Sara Crabtree, Eliza Dushku as Louisiana Smith, Kaley Cuoco as Lauren, Jake Gyllenhall as Dan the Goose, Thomas Ian Nicholas as Evan Ames, Vin Diesel as Kool Keith, Steve Buscemi as wKen, Sean Astin as Orby, Wil Wheaton as Wil Wheaton…. And we’re still trying to decide between Edward Norton and Colin Farrell for 3rd Leg… Edward says he’s already played a badass with a shaved head and goatee, and we’re not sure Colin’s edgy enough for the role. We’re still casting for Kristin, Hosemonster, Ryan McGee, and a couple of smaller yet very crucial roles to the storyline…

What is the storyline?

It’s Pump Up the Volume meets Clerks meets Hackers meets Fight Club. It’s gonna be hot, hot, hot! Anyway, thanks for your time. I’m still hoping to fit Taye Diggs and Don Cheadle in before lunch, capeesh?

Well if they don’t work out…

Yeah, yeah… We’ll be in touch, Good luck with Vanessa, kid!

Crazy Talk

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Got 8 minutes and 40 seconds on your hands? How about a high-speed internet connection??? Good.

Run, don't walk to check out this super cool BMW online-commercial. I had always suspected that James Brown sold his soul and that Marilyn Manson lived next door to Satan----and this proves it...


Long Distance Dedication

Monday, December 09, 2002

Like Puffy once said, "It's all fucked up now..." What started as an innocent stressed out post by a Beast-lovin' college kid preparing for finals, has now escalated in to a full scale East Coast vs. West Coast stand off. You won't see me getting caught up in the cross-fire, cuz I'm a lover not a fighter.

But I'm always game if somebody decides they want to throw some cold champanya in my face... Shame on me. You know what happens the second time....

Easy way out? Hardly. I don't think my inital words were understood anyway. Was I sarcastic? Sure... But, I wasn't criticizing, picking, patronizing, hatin' or bullying. Not this time anyway. Not at first. Don't believe me? Then don't pick sides, and re-read every word one more time. In chronological order. Of course that's not entirely possible since some words have been removed, and edited... Not from this site mind you. If I said it-----even if I change my mind later----it stays. And if you have something to say it stays too... Even when what you're saying is wrong or dumb or juvenile or whatever. It stays.

I'm not sure yet what I think this blog will become.. But getting caught up in these sophomoric testosterone-fueled, hiding behind the keyboard antics and calling mommy when the going gets tough isn't it... Besides, my mom did time----you all really don't want her getting involved...

I'm headed back to the gym (down 4 lbs. since Thanksgiving) so I can get strong enough to pull my own weight... Good luck if you're in the middle of Finals, and if you're not----play on playa...

The Eagles
Hell Freezes Over (1994)
"Get Over It"

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' 'Don't blame me'
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if I gave you some cash
The more I think about it, Old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't want to work, you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it
Get over it
If you don't want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, Get over it

It's like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass

Get over it
Get over it
All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it

And no my mother didn't really do time... Jeez, when are you all gonna start getting me?